Intro: 00:00

So what made you finally cross that line? Well, I think my house was always my value. And I told myself before, you know, I'm doing something even if I like my job, you know? But it cost me my health and nobody will be a winner in this situation. So I know neither my job nor my family and not myself. I decided, no, I have to step away and focus on myself, focus on my family with four small kids.,I mean, they were all like under ten. I had them one by one. And yeah, and it also gave me stability in some way, you know?

Intro: 00:42

Welcome to the Defining Moments podcast, where leaders, innovators and everyday heroes share the moments that changed everything. These are the stories behind resilience, purpose, and legacy. Now let's dive into today's defining moment.

Melanie Warner: 00:58

Hey everyone. It's Melanie Warner, the founder of Defining Moments Press. Welcome to today's podcast. Today's guest is someone who understands what it means to look successful on the outside and feel completely disconnected on the inside. Maryna Bilousova is a human dynamics specialist and speaker focused on leadership, stress, and relational patterns in high performance environments.

She works with executives to strengthen their internal stability and sustained performance from the inside out, helping leaders navigate pressure without losing themselves in the process. Maryna to the show.

Maryna Bilousova: 01:34

Yeah. Thank you for inviting me. Thank you Melanie.

Melanie Warner: 01:38

Absolutely. So you are in Germany right now, correct?

Maryna Bilousova: 01:42

Yeah. Right now, yeah. I'm in Germany. Okay. Just back just back from your ass and just looking into spring.

Melanie Warner: 01:51

Oh my goodness. That's amazing now. And you're and tell me a little bit now you're you have a Russian background. So how do you say your name correctly? Just so I'm not butchering your name?

If you were, I know you said you have to be Russian to pronounce it correctly, so how would you say your name natively?

Maryna Bilousova: 02:09

Maryna Bilousova.

Melanie Warner: 02:11

Maryna. Okay, okay, I'm getting there. So, Maryna, you describe yourself as a human dynamics specialist for somebody listening right now, what does that actually mean?

Maryna Bilousova: 02:24

Well, I'm looking into behavior. I'm looking into patterns. I'm looking into what people are talking to themselves, which language they're using. So basically everything, you know, any dynamic you can experience as a human in any chance of your life and any moment of your life.

Melanie Warner: 02:46

So everything 's going to be tough because you're translating in multiple languages. So you work with people globally, all over the world, and a lot of the work that you do can be done on Zoom. Is that correct?

Maryna Bilousova: 02:59

Yeah. Right, right. And this is actually an advantage of the modern world and especially thanks Corona because I mean, it just made it more broad. And when a couple of years ago you had to have your office somewhere, you just had to have some really offline clients and it was somehow limited also. And now with these possibilities, you can really work with everyone at, well, just pay attention maybe to the time difference.

It's sometimes difficult when you have someone in New Zealand and you're in Germany, it's a challenge to find time together. But still, it's possible.

Melanie Warner: 03:38

You know, it's funny that you said that because I feel like so many people look at obviously that pandemic was devastating for everybody, but it was the first time in human history that the whole world had one common enemy. And it really, in a weird way, brought everybody closer. And it really for us, for our company, it became a global advantage where all of a sudden, like you said, we went from just working with people locally. I remember every single meeting I had was in person for many years. I owned magazines, and now here we are connected to people all over the world having conversations from multiple countries.

And it just, it just felt like it, it kind of gave people permission to be able to do business that way.

Maryna Bilousova: 04:21

And yeah, exactly.

Melanie Warner: 04:23

And I know that you work with high performing executives. So that pandemic, Covid, lack of control, changing patterns in the world, all of these things were huge changes for people that are used to kind of feeling like they're in control of their life. And it created a lot of stress for people. So what do most leaders misunderstand about stress?

Maryna Bilousova: 04:46

I think that stress belongs to success. I think it's the biggest misunderstanding. And it's still, you know, even if we see the numbers of people who are stepping into self-development. Yeah, it's growing year by year. It just exploded after the corona, but I'm still meeting a lot of people who think that you have to be exhausted to have success.

You know, and this is the biggest misunderstanding, I think that it still exists. And especially in women in the women 's world, with all the demand to be women now on the top level of management. And in Europe, I don't know in the US actually, but in Europe now it's a request to have an equal number of men and women in the top leading management levels of the companies. But there are still big differences in the stress management and everything between men and women.

Melanie Warner: 05:49

So wait, you're saying I didn't know about this? So this is a new thing. So in Europe, there's a requirement that for your executive team it must be 50 over 50, 50% male, 50% female.

Maryna Bilousova: 06:00

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's a requirement now because I think I started a couple of years ago. I don't know if it was before Corona or during.

Yeah, it was like always questioning why it's always dominated by men or this higher top level of management. Big companies like Volkswagen because we have a huge industry in Germany here. So it's always dominated by men. And there were maybe a couple of women you could literally count them by hand. But it was yeah, a demand and request to have it equally and quoted. 

So there should be a definite number of women there.

Melanie Warner: 06:43

Wow. That's really interesting. I did not know that. So when somebody looks successful on the outside, but they feel unstable on the inside. What's really happening?

Maryna Bilousova: 06:55

Well, I think I can reflect on my time when I was X corporate, actually, it was before Corona and I was working in clinical research. We were doing the outsourcing services for big pharmacy companies like Novartis, Roche, and everyone else. And I was leading a huge international study and was responsible for a big team. And from outside, I was perfect. Absolutely.

You know, laughing and anything. But inside you are unhappy someday because you understand something is going wrong in your life with yourself also. And yeah, sometimes people maybe do not understand the first signs, you know, when you start feeling something. And I think, okay, it just maybe. Or maybe I just didn't have enough coffee. 

Maybe I had this. Maybe. Okay. Something happened. Small, but just, you know, step over and go. 

Go straight to your goals, but not. Sometimes. Really? The small signs. You have to pay attention already.

Melanie Warner: 08:14

So you experienced this in your own life. So take us back to that moment where you were pregnant with your third child. You said instead of joy, you felt drained. What did that feel like physically to you?

Maryna Bilousova: 08:27

Well, that was a moment when I actually felt absolutely down. Absolutely. You know, because I remember I was sitting in my office and I had my office just for myself. So I had just my table, my computer, and I was coming in in the morning for the first telephone conference. You just shut the door.

And you even forget to go to the toilet because it was so busy. And one day I was sitting there, it was cold. It was January, and I was just looking at the wall. And I had this, I don't know, maybe people in the office, they know, at least in Germany, we do have a calendar like three months. And you can see and I, I had one day just circled in red and I was looking at this because it was the day I was supposed to go on maternity leave. 

And it was just this something that was holding me on the surface and just letting me to function somehow. And I was also looking back when I started and I was thinking, okay, what's happened to me? Because I was really eager. I came in with like, give me more, you know, like a, I can move the world, I can do everything and power and everything. And then after a couple of years getting two kids already and being pregnant with a third one, I'm in that state where you barely can move. 

And I realized, you know, you have this really weird state because your heart is still working, but the body, you know, it's already like, it's felt like not mine anymore.

Melanie Warner: 10:19

Yeah. And it's overwhelming because you're already working full time. You have two kids at home, you're pregnant with another, you have no downtime whatsoever. And even when you get off work and you have all the demands from work, you go home and your personal chores and everything happens, you know, between bedtime and bath and, you know, I called it bed, Bath and Beyond. When my kids were little, I wrote a book back then called teams, toddlers and tequila because I felt like that was the only thing that could get me through those years.

And it's a lot of pressure because you want to be the perfect mom, you want to be the perfect at your job, and you want to be like the perfect pregnant mom that's taking care of that baby and putting them first. And then you just feel like an imposter because you feel like you're letting everybody down, right? Like it's like, exactly. Possibly do everything at 100% and.

Maryna Bilousova: 11:12

Somehow you understand, you understand you can't be perfect, but still you are unhappy with something. You can, you're just physically not able to do it, you know? And so this pressure that was coming from myself on myself. Yeah, it was really a big, big challenge that day.

Melanie Warner: 11:32

So what did that happen that day? How did that that was your defining moment that day of realizing I'm counting down the days to maternity leave. This is not sustainable. So what did you do from there?

Maryna Bilousova: 11:46

From there, I just gave me the what? I have to find out what I have to do. To become stable, to just overcome all the stress. And I was happy because I had a long maternity leave. I signed up for three years to go on maternity leave and I've got a fourth child.

And I think this was like also a defining moment and something, you know, that God, universe or anything just wanted to keep me home and maybe to really look into myself and go deep and see how I can change and, you know, from inside and not falling in the same, same situation like I've been right now. And yeah, it was, it was interesting and it cost a lot of first understanding that I had a problem. And then this kind of stress, I can't explain it. It was like from the feeling it was deep in my bones and it took me months before I, my, my body could, could really relax in a way that I was feeling myself back. So it was really strange. 

Yeah.

Melanie Warner: 13:03

You said that staying the same felt frightening than starting over. That's powerful. So what made you finally cross that line?

Maryna Bilousova: 13:11

Well, I think my house was always my value. And I told myself before, you know, I am doing something, even if I like my job, you know? But it's cost me my health and nobody will be a winner in this situation. So no, neither my job nor my family and not myself. I decided, no, I have to step away and focus on myself, focus on my family.

With four small kids. I mean, they were all like under ten. I had them one by one. And yeah. And it also gave me stability in some way, you know. 

So yeah, it was a difficult decision, but, but yeah.

Melanie Warner: 13:55

So you realize, okay, I'm not going back to the job. You go home. It's kind of terrifying. It's, it can be a terrifying thing for some people without a clear plan, right? You have certainty in this job and now you go to uncertainty as when you went home.

How was your husband? Was he responsive to you, supportive of you quitting your job and, and, and taking off on, you know, maternity leave earlier? Or how did that go? That conversation?

Maryna Bilousova: 14:26

Actually, it was okay, especially when we knew we would be getting a fourth one. So that was a question like, because my husband is a workaholic as well, and you can't have two workaholics in the same family. Otherwise, why do you have kids or. And the rest. And so we were, yeah, having some discussion and decided like, I have to step off, otherwise I would not get it physically.

And also the family will get nothing from the mom because I remember a time when I was pregnant with a third still working full day. We had nothing in the fridge because I had no time to buy something. And my oldest one, he just started the English school and he was the first child in the early morning and the last child in the evening care. For one year. And it was hard. 

I mean, on the other hand, he learned English very quickly. But it's still, you know, being alone in the morning and evening when all my friends are gone already. And I think it was hard as well.

Melanie Warner: 15:37

So he was always the first to be dropped off in the last to be picked up at childcare. And I know that guilt. I remember being that mom running a business. I was in my 30s. I had two kids and just dropped them off every day.

I remember crying when I left. I just felt so bad. And then there were some times I just got so frustrated. I'm like, oh, okay, I need a break. Like I would go to work to get a break from my family. 

But then I feel so sad and guilty when I drop them off and I really miss them, you know, and feel bad. And, and you said that when you later found out that you were expecting your first child, you described it as relief by relief.

Maryna Bilousova: 16:17

I think on one hand, as I told you, I loved my job somehow because I liked this communication, the international vibe and everything. You know, you're connecting with people everywhere from Latin America to Japan, you know, but on the other hand, this is all responsibility and everything. What I had, you know, job and family. I understood that I need to choose here, you know, to choose. And I think family was my value, bigger value than just having this job and job.

I thought, okay, I can come back maybe after a couple of years or start something new or come back maybe again where I was. But luckily I started to work on myself. And first it was like, okay, what I can change just to feel better. So I started maybe to look into nutrition and just looking what maybe I can do better and all this stuff. And by that time I remember a really nice book from Doctor Gundry, Plant Paradox. 

And I was so mind blowing. I was like, okay, this is interesting, So I dug deep into this. And then I started also to change my relationship with all the I don't like the word sport, but let's say movement. You know, I was a dancer all my childhood and my teenage time. So I started back doing some ballet classes and everything, you know, and then. 

I was feeling like something was still missing, you know? Yeah. You have a body, you have a physical level, like everything. Okay. But there's still some last puzzle missing. 

And then I started meditating, you know, some small thing looking on the internet, finding something. And then I came to hypnosis and I said, wow, that's great. It's actually helping myself, you know, to walk through everything, what we carry with us from our childhood or maybe even longer and just. Yeah, see the results on myself and then come this wish also to help people as well and learn really how it all works. And yeah, it was so interesting.

Melanie Warner: 18:48

So you learned about hypnosis through your own transformation by being able to apply these negative habits, right? Like something that I've learned about hypnosis, I actually went to school to study it a long time ago and I almost got my master's in clinical therapy. So I learned a little bit about hypnosis. And I love the fact that it triggers that fight or flight mechanism in your brain and your subconscious. And it allows you to go in there and change something from a negative to a positive instantly.

So the associations that we have that go so deeply embedded into our subconscious, I find that it's a very effective way to create transformation in your brain and in your body immediately, as opposed to having to consciously or logic or reason your way through it, because that logical side really only represents about 15% of your total brain capacity. Yeah, yeah. And people don't understand that the subconscious is the most powerful thing. And you can go through years of therapy and not change your subconscious beliefs. So to me, I think it's a very scientific approach as a way to kind of hack the brain a little bit. 

But I know there are a lot of people out there that are terrified of somebody else coming in and controlling their mind or making them do things.

Maryna Bilousova: 20:05

Yeah.

Melanie Warner: 20:06

Right. So let's talk about that.

!no name provided!: 20:08

How do you make people feel comfortable?

Melanie Warner: 20:11

Using hypnosis as a transformational healing modality in therapy or that type of work?

Maryna Bilousova: 20:18

First of all, hypnosis is also like guided meditation. Yeah, you can translate it into like, like this. So maybe hypnosis sometimes as a word. It's really scary people and I mean really different people because when you meet someone and you say, okay, I do hypnosis and they all starting suddenly look at your face and your eyes, you know, like, okay, guys, what do I have this, you know, spirals that are running in? Yeah.

And different stories. Like I was talking to one girl at my ballet class and she also said, oh, okay, I've done one hypnosis session a couple of years ago. And actually I was surprised it happened. Nothing bad. And I was like, okay, what did you expect to have to happen then? 

Like, someone will steal your wallet. You will wake up in another city naked or something like this.

Melanie Warner: 21:15

Yeah.

Maryna Bilousova: 21:16

That was your expectation.

Melanie Warner: 21:17

It was going to harvest your organs while you, you know, while you're sleeping. I mean, it's, it's, there's a lot of fear around that. And I think it's the same thing that that hypnosis explains is that anything that is fearful is considered unknown, and anything that is known is considered pleasurable. And so the body will always choose pleasure over pain. Every single time.

And this is where we know we should be doing something. And we just either think, oh, we don't have the discipline or we really don't have the right habits. So it goes in and helps reduce or completely transform the habits. But it always stems from belief because we have these beliefs from childhood or something that was instilled with us somewhere along the way in our journey. And, and it's limited beliefs, so you can actually resolve limited beliefs and overcome a lot of old thought patterns using hypnosis.

Maryna Bilousova: 22:13

So yeah, exactly. Yeah. Actually, I like it. And I like also I, I was learning clinical hypnosis in the International Hypnotherapy College in London. And the people are there.

They're working together with Paul McKenna. So one apparently is also supporting him a lot and doing many events with him. His name is Steve Crabb and I like him. And he told one once, like we might be happy or unhappy with our life, with our, our lives. And this is just because of what the programs are running inside us. 

Yeah. So it's very interesting. And you know, I'm always talking to my clients. Look, your phone, you know, you have to update it frequently, you know, new updates, new securities, new everything. But how often are you updating yourself? There are a lot. 

What outdated completely something that is not letting you to move through life. So let's do it. And sometimes it's not necessarily to forget it. Yeah.

Melanie Warner: 23:30

That's a good point. Okay, I want to have the audience think about that for one second. If you like, some of us buy new gadgets all the time. We get a new cell phone every two years. We get a new car every three years.

You know, you wouldn't think of keeping your same old cell phone from 2004, you know, and continue to try to adapt to what the world is doing now. And, and so, you know, there's a way to kind of keep updating ourselves. Like there's different versions of ourselves, like there's 2.0, 3.0. And I think people get stuck when they feel like they're staying at a comfort level and they're afraid to go to that next level. And they don't think about how it could be holding them back from living their best life. 

Right. There's a scary thing of like, I don't know what's next. And that fear of the unknown keeps them. It actually robs them of what those future blessings or future opportunities could have in their life or their business.

Maryna Bilousova: 24:27

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And there are a lot of things I'm facing also with clients, with, you know, friends, family, anyone that there are some beliefs or some maybe patterns that we really carry from, from childhood and, and some, some of them really remember something like, oh, my mom told me like this and I probably I'm behaving myself because of that. What happened back then? And it's very important, you know, to understand if something is really limiting you, then you need to work on, if you like, really to move forward to, I don't know, have some goals to change your life other, another way.

Of course, if you think, okay, it's something I can live with. You know. Then. Okay. Unless the person will decide, really, they want to change. 

You cannot change by yourself. Just forcing them to do something.

Melanie Warner: 25:37

Yeah. There needs to be a little bit more, not just alignment in the belief, but to be able to shift that belief. And it's hard to do it on your own because sometimes we can't always see, we can't always see our own gaps. And, it's easier to have somebody else kind of guide us through that. So I want to take a second to talk about failure because, you know, audiences, people out there, we, you know, not everyone can relate to somebody having a successful life, but we can all relate to pain.

So what was the biggest mistake you made when building your business? Because you know you went from having a job, having kids and then saying, okay, now I want to teach. I want to help other people transform their lives so they're not making the same mistakes or living this stressed out life like I was. What was the biggest mistake you made when you first started out?

Maryna Bilousova: 26:33

I think I was too, I don't know, shy or not shy. For social media. So it took me really long to really come out and do something. I don't know if it's the biggest mistake, but it's still like, you know, something. What probably also was still inside of me, what I now completely like removed.

And yeah, it took some time to really feel myself comfortable to, to do something to, to make podcasts, to, to talk to people I really like openly, to use social media to, to do some real postings and everything. Now it's like, do you.

!no name provided!: 27:18

Think that came from.

Melanie Warner: 27:19

Imposter syndrome. Did you kind of have a part of you where you doubted leaving your corporate path was the right decision? And then now here you are putting yourself out there as this expert. Was that transition tough?

Maryna Bilousova: 27:33

I think it was not imposter syndrome. It was more like. Being not really invisible, but being hiding a bit, you know, because it's comfortable because you probably, if you do something on a social media, you will be judged maybe too much and, and some stuff, you know, because you always see some stories that people writing, some famous people, some really silly or I don't know, you know, different stuff and people suffering also from that. But probably it was affecting me. And actually my mom was also putting some programs on myself.

Like, it's better like to be a bit it's like not stepping always not forward, but yeah, think before you talk. You know, some typical stuff. I think maybe it's, you know, a lot of girls worldwide will hear the same. Like I know in English that what was the wording the child had to be seen but not heard. You know, all this stuff. 

Yeah. So yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is something that was more affecting me than really imposter syndrome or something.

Melanie Warner: 28:50

So being afraid to put yourself out there publicly, using your voice, promoting yourself, things like that. And it's true. There are a lot of trolls. Yeah, a lot of trolls. Like I just can't.

I mean, especially when you start doing ads and things like it, it's just crazy how mean people are, you know? And I got stuck there for a while, even though I knew I was getting good results for people. I was out there helping a lot of people. I just, when I started running ads, like all of a sudden people were super mean online and, and then I finally had to just get past it and just say to myself, you know what? I've never met a hater whose life is better than mine, and I'm not going to, I'm not going to rob somebody else of their transformation or their ability to hit this goal in their life, because one person is making me feel like I'm not good enough or I'm not. 

I don't have the authority or I'm a joke or whatever, you know? So it's kind of like, why do we give this power to people we don't even know or, or like, for that matter? Like it just gets in our head and it can definitely affect us from doing the things that could help somebody else.

Maryna Bilousova: 30:04

Yeah, yeah. There is a lot of understanding what came with the years through. Like, you know why people are aggressive because they feel pain normally. It's like an animal. You know, animals.

When it's in pain, it's as aggressive as saying we are. And people, sometimes they have nothing, no, no one else to talk to. And this is the only way to express the pain is just right. Someone, you know, silly stuff or complaints or I don't know, just being a troll. And so it took me some time to understand. 

And now I'm never not reacting at all. So no matter who is writing, it's okay. Better you write to me than maybe, you know, some people are maybe so aggressive they go then to find someone and push into the face or I don't know.

!no name provided!: 30:52

So I remember somebody.

Melanie Warner: 30:55

Put something on like I was running an ad and somebody, some guy posted, I would never listen to somebody who's had that much Botox and it, it. And at first I was like, what? That's so mean. And then I already said it had so much work done. Like, first of all, I haven't had any work done.

Okay. I mean, these are like lash extensions. That's it. And then I and then I at first I was just going to delete his comment and then I thought, no, there may be other people that feel that way and he deserves to have his opinion, but just get off my feed, you know? And then I remember responding back to him saying, hey, there is wisdom in these wrinkles. 

So if you know, and I said, your, your mind works like a parachute. It works better when it's open. And then more people started cheering me on. Like, yeah, you tell them, you know, and it became this whole thread. So I'm glad I didn't remove it. 

But I remember it was like a chance to help somebody that was in pain, right? Like that person was obviously somebody that wasn't very happy with their own life.

Maryna Bilousova: 31:54

And so yeah, exactly.

Melanie Warner: 31:56

That does say mean things publicly. The bullies are the ones usually hurting the most. And, I remember there was another time where I had somebody that posted something negative, and then I reached out a private message and said, hey, are you okay? And we ended up having this whole beautiful conversation. This woman that was just like had lost her daughter and was going through all this pain.

And she had no idea that I lost my son. And we bonded at that moment. It was a trauma bond. I gave her all these resources and she ended up at the end saying, you know what, I, I love you, I really love you and I thank you for reaching out. And I get chills thinking about that right now because.

Maryna Bilousova: 32:32

Yeah.

Melanie Warner: 32:33

So easy for us to feel wounded by our own childhood traumas and feel resentful or we've got to retaliate or we have to like, say something back. That's mean. And, and I just think that there's a way, no matter what, you can always lead with love, even though it's not the easiest path that it's, it's amazing to see how other people watch that interaction and decide how they're going to engage with their cyber bullies or people that are, that are disagreeing with them in life in general. So I have a question for you. When you were working your job and you felt like you were doing all these things as a perfectionist, you know, And you burned out.

Did you ever feel like you were building your business with that same perfectionist energy that burned you out before in your career? And if so.

!no name provided!: 33:21

No.

Melanie Warner: 33:21

To stop that pattern.

Maryna Bilousova: 33:24

No, luckily not because I had a lot of inner stability that I built over some time. And it helped me actually to understand myself, to feel immediately when I do too much maybe, and to, you know, to come back to my resource state. This is very important. And I remembered exactly how I felt back then. So I had a comparison, you know, to what it was there and to how I, I'm now and I'm always comparing like, okay, I'm in the range where it's really running all okay.

I do have my family. I do have stuff. And I started actually doing this step by step. I started like, okay, Monday. I'm just, you know, beginning my new life. 

I'm a business woman. And, you know, so I started step by step and just looked, okay, I'm taking a bit of time here , doing this, doing this. And then it just became bigger and bigger, you know?

Melanie Warner: 34:31

Yeah, that, and I think that's the key is, is just, you know, understanding that we all have some type of limitation, you know what I mean? And we and to be self aware of what that looks like so that you can actually go out and do the things you need to do to help other people find their own transformation. Because I, I know like there were times where, you know, I shared with you that I was studying clinical therapy and, and I remember having these patients that were part of the, the, the work study, you know, like they were coming in and we were experimenting with them. And, I was a terrible life coach, like awful. Like, I mean, people would be all like, well, you know, my husband, and they'd be all victimized.

Like, that's my husband's doing this. And I'd be all like, well, we'll just leave them like, why don't you just leave them? You know, I was like, I, I was the worst therapist, like the worst life coach. So I think when you start to look at how you can serve other people and you see so much need in the world that for me, I got caught up in this ambition of trying to help everybody. You know what I mean? 

And so what did you learn the hard way about ambition in your line of work?

Maryna Bilousova: 35:49

First of all, you cannot help anyone. Everyone. Especially if you are not asked for. You know, and this is something I had to learn as well because, you know, you're learning all this stuff and then you are reaching some point like you, you're really looking to teach everyone. And this is the step I think everyone is going to take when we're starting.

You know, to work on our stuff and then you'd like to teach everyone like, you know, better. But then I learned like, you cannot help someone who is not asking you explicitly for this help. And you have to leave also, people living their life, you know, it's their life and they have to. Decide what to do or what not to do. And if they feel they have a problem, they will come back to me. 

But if not, then not just leave them.

Melanie Warner: 36:42

Yeah, kind of leaning out and not leaning in. That energy is very different when you're new and you're building a business and you're trying to find clients. I feel like a lot of people make that mistake. They just, they lean in like this to everybody they talk to and it's like, please be my client. Please be my client.

And, people can feel that energy. So when you are kind of this calm, neat.

Maryna Bilousova: 37:02

Yeah. Needy, needy energy.

Melanie Warner: 37:04

Yeah. And then, and, and like you said, you want to attract seekers. There are people that are seeking this that are looking for solutions. And when you are using that language, you're attracting those people into your business that really want transformation and change, not the people. Like I always say, if you have to drag somebody into your business or your program, you're going to have to drag them through it.

And it's just, it's painful for everybody. So I love that, that, that the, it's not ambition so much that that, that builds the drive or that builds the business. It's leaning back, it's leaning out, you know, kind of like buy or don't buy, baby. But I'm okay either way.

Maryna Bilousova: 37:49

Yeah. It's true, it's true. Yeah. And I see this also, you know, in the coaches people I know who are in the same, let's say. Yeah, not, not especially hypnotherapists, but also coaches who are doing something similar to myself.

And yeah, they also went through the same phase when they were looking, you know? You know, I need to have someone, you know, and this is a danger also to come, you know, to get a client who is not your client because you cannot help everyone who coming to, to me, for instance, I'm always looking if there is a match, if we have a rapport enough, you know, I am I able to help the person in this situation? And if I feel it's not a match, then better to say, okay, I do have here people this, this and this. I can readdress you, redirect you if you like, but probably we cannot work together. So I'm, I'm really looking, really looking. 

Because if you can or if you're taking everyone, it's a really big danger that you will not be able to help properly.

Melanie Warner: 39:02

Yeah, I remember going through this in my own life and business when I was. You know, I started my first business at 18. And I used to believe that if you were successful, it meant you were busy, like you had to be busy to be successful. So I got really burnt out physically, emotionally. And I remember my grandmother saying to me, hard work never killed anybody.

Like, have you ever heard that growing up? Hard work never killed anybody. Yeah. I remember that as a kid. And I was like. 

So I had this really strong work ethic. But then as I got older, I thought, well, what the heck? Yes it does. It's called stress. Hard work leads to stress. 

And when you have stress, you have to have body awareness, right? Like you were in your job and you said that your mind could continue, but your body cannot. So what are the warning signs? And what happens to high performers who ignore physical signals?

Maryna Bilousova: 39:56

Yeah. Well, there is a big difference, for instance, in women under stress and or it could happen. Everything. It's affecting your hormonal system. So you're constantly in a bad mood.

You may not feel like a woman anymore. It affects your cognitive brain activities. Your brain literally shrinks under stress. Just think about this and you are more. In danger to have a burnout and to have any other symptoms or yeah, to be sick because man is stressed, they do have. 

Of course they suffer as well, but they are billed for, you know, stressful situations to, to, to be like, to send, you know, for the family and to get all the fight and everything. So they built for this and they can go through the stress situations longer. But the women were not that strong. What we think about, you know, as was in my case, I was thinking, I can do everything. I can manage everything, my family and job and, you know, give me more. 

And then yeah, and symptoms. It was interesting because one day I noticed my arm, it was like it was not numb on the left side, but it was like, I don't know, it was strange, you know, and I was like, okay, it's something happening here. Maybe I should go to a doctor or check something, you know, but then you, after you sit and start working like, okay, next day, next day, next day. And sometimes, you know, you see people who are then completely broken mentally and then physically also, you know, because the body actually signals as the first that something is going wrong with you. Any sickness is only the symptom that will leave something not really aligned with ourself. 

So just pay attention to this.

Melanie Warner: 42:21

So what do you personally do in the moment when you feel overwhelmed? Can you walk us through your real time stress regulation process?

Maryna Bilousova: 42:31

Breath breathing is really as simple as that. And I think one of the most effective tools that you can apply immediately. And it takes maybe 2 to 3 minutes and you really, it's proven scientifically that you reduce cortisol levels. So you're coming down. Yeah.

You just when you stress, you're mostly breathing like shoulders here. Yeah. Everything. And it's a typical survival mode. And once you start breathing properly, you're controlling your breathing. 

And you're focusing also on your breathing in the air. What is coming in, coming out. Your mind is clearing and you start really feeling more relaxed. And then I'm doing a body check. I'm meditating every day in the morning. 

It's not a long time. It's just maybe ten minutes. But just, you know, to, to find myself in starting day to, to, to get the feeling of what I am today and to just align myself with inner and outer world and just check, you know, breathe and check, maybe some, some, some contractions, some way of what I'm feeling, what it is, maybe some time to ask. Also, if you, I have something in the shoulder, maybe to ask what does shoulder want from me? You know, and sometimes we can get real information from that as well. 

And rituals, you know, I do have rituals, something that you start in the morning or you can do it later, something, you know, just it should be something you like to do a sport, some activities, also something you like to do, not just running behind some trends, but doing something you really enjoy. I enjoy dancing, so I'm doing dancing. So maybe someone enjoys running.

Melanie Warner: 44:27

Yeah, yeah, I grew up skiing, you know, and we go every winter with our family like snow skiing. And I loved it. I had fun and I haven't been in a few years. And I actually went yesterday and took my son and we had so much fun and his friend and we had a blast and it was like he's a teenager. So I felt like we bonded a lot over that.

And I had this fear, like, I have all these big life things coming up, like filming our TV show and speaking at the United Nations, like all these things. And I'm like, all I need is a broken leg, right? And so I even had this fear that was robbing me of having fun and doing something fun. And yes, there's always something I had to struggle with. Is this being irresponsible by going snow skiing at my age and you know, where I could, you know, break my leg and ruin my life? You know what I mean? 

Hurt everything coming up, right? And I was way overthinking it. And instead I just had to say, look, I can't go 100% full force. Like when I was 21 years old and I would just race down the slope and not and not feel like I would ever fall. And I was really proud of myself. 

It was physically a lot of work, but I didn't fall and I had fun and I still had my little adrenaline rush, and my son and his friend had a blast and they were just like, thank you, thank you, thank you. Like, they were so happy. And it was like, I think, what if I hadn't gone and, and just to get up there and get my head clear and have that moment to just get away from my computer and my emails and all these voices going like, you have so much to do. It was really fun. Like, I'm so glad I did it. 

And obviously everybody's fine. Nobody got hurt. My knees are still here, but I was physically exhausted. I came home and I think I slept for like 11 hours.

Maryna Bilousova: 46:17

Oh God, it's fun. But yeah, you mentioned something. Yeah, you mentioned something about your age. Don't do it. Don't tell you something like this.

It's your age. Yeah. No, no, no, it's something limiting. Yeah.

Melanie Warner: 46:35

The body believes every word you say. I'll just do it right. And I, and I literally practice. I visualize myself skiing and not falling. I visualize myself smiling and the wind and a beautiful sun out there.

And like I was, I literally had so much fear about it. Like I had to really fight myself over. Do I really want to go? Do I not want to go? Can I? 

What if we. What if we need snow tires? Like all these things in my head I'm trying to keep. What if my son gets hurt and breaks his leg and. I mean, it's just like. 

As a mom, we think safety first, right? Like, everything is about the safest way to do things. And then I realized that especially if you're raising boys, that every boy needs to have this kind of transition to manhood, where they do dumb things, like not dumb things, but they do things that kind of scare them a little bit. And if you don't let your boys do things like that, then you're keeping them so safe and protected that they kind of become pansies in the real world. Like they don't ever try to fail. 

They don't do anything where they could actually get hurt and scare themselves a little bit. And it was like this transformation of, you know, I made him take a lesson. He fought me on that. Like, no, I got it. I said, just take a lesson. 

And then he was like, I'm glad I did that because I learned how to turn better and control the board better. And it gave him more confidence to get up on the bigger mountain. Because when you get to the very top, there's no easy paths, there's no green. It's like almost all blue and black diamonds, which is like advanced skiers. And even we went up a lift that was like advanced skiers only. 

I'm like, are you sure about this? He's like, yeah, he was a little nervous, but I was right there with him, you know, and, and we just had so much fun. And, and the other thing, I think from a parent perspective is watching my son fall and get back up the resilience that comes from learning a sport where you're going to fall and then get back up. And in that moment, I'm like, oh, he's learning resilience as a teenager. Like this is so important for him to learn in life. 

The metaphor of falling and getting back up and, and all of those things wouldn't have happened if I let my fear of something wrong happen. Like if I let that fear win and we didn't go. And I remember my dad telling me years ago, some of the worst things in my life never happened to me, right? Some of the worst things in my life never happened to me. Like, because our fear can rob us of so much more than any person or, or, or somebody breaking into our house can't even rob us as much as our own fear. 

Right? And so this is, I think when I think about self regulation, I always struggle with fear versus being responsible. You know, like if, if something would hurt, would that mean that I was being irresponsible? You know what I mean? Like, like I was making a decision, like I'm sabotaging my success and myself because I made a bad decision to go skiing. 

So I think like that in my own mind is where I try to reconcile like, let's have fun in life, but let's be safe and constantly going between those two things. And you wrote a book about this, right? So in, in your book, you talk about how to navigate these things as well. Tell me more about your book and, and what that teaches helps people with.

Maryna Bilousova: 50:05

Books are actually more for relationships, for difficult, you know, for emotionally difficult relationships, not artistic maybe. And it's also about regulating yourself from inside out, from getting this resilience, this stability as well. What helps you to survive actually in any situation, no matter at work, at family, everywhere, you know, having this fundamental stability inside of you that is not letting you, no matter what's happening around, you know, nothing destroys you. And it's, you know, what we see now in the world, all the situations, you know, military Actions somewhere. Then no flying flights.

You know, all this chaos. But you still can be happy. And you can return to yourself and feel yourself no matter what. And yeah, a book is helping specifically. Yeah. 

The women who just came out of a relationship or are still in to find this inner stability. And yeah, to go also through the tools like breathing, like some communication skills. We are talking about hypnosis a little bit there. And we, I'm giving some couple of tools as well. You know, for the readers just to have already something in hand, what they can use practically. 

And it's easy to use. It's nothing like you have to sit with the instructions because I remember I was reading a book. I don't remember what was there, but it was also something for self-help. And I really had difficulties understanding what I have to do, you know? And I think in the book it's pretty easy, understandable, and written about what you have to do. 

And yeah, you just need to grab it to read and to apply it to yourself.

Melanie Warner: 52:06

So their system, their steps, there's tools to keep you accountable. But I think the other thing that's important is people throw around the word narcissist so much, right? Like I hear people all the time, well, I was married. My ex is a narcissist. And what's funny is the other person is probably saying the same thing about you, right?

Like, so I think that word is kind of thrown around a lot. Can you explain from your more professional opinion what a narcissist is? What defines that? And what do you do if you're in that kind of relationship? That's very toxic.

Maryna Bilousova: 52:38

First of all, we all have narcissistic patterns. Every one of us. We can change from situation to situation. We can behave ourselves like one, but it's not necessarily like we are Nazis. Yeah, so it's Nazis, really.

You have to have a diagnosis that was given to you by psychiatrists or psychologists, you know. It's an official diagnosis and it's really a disease. You know, it's not just like some kind of behavioral patterns that could be today. Yes. And tomorrow, you know, disappear. 

So there is a big difference. But it's still, you know, some people could be toxic as well. You know, it's still like we do have some more toxic people than in others. But the thing is, I see what I see. To call someone Nazis, to say someone is toxic, it doesn't help you.

Melanie Warner: 53:37

Right? Then you become a victim. But if somebody out there is listening, they're in that relationship with maybe they're married and they have kids with somebody that's a narcissist or is in a very toxic relationship, and the person won't go to therapy, right? Or there. It's like you can't have a relationship where just one person is doing the work and the other person is like, oh, well, I'm a narcissist.

That's just who I am. Accept it. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, and I think if most people really believe they were a narcissist or a jerk, like they would probably if they were aware of it, they might do something about it. But what advice would you give for somebody who's in that space right now deciding whether they should stay and try to create a healthy environment for their family, or whether they should leave and try to completely shift the dynamics of their family in order to protect the children.

Maryna Bilousova: 54:31

I think if there is something like physical abuse, you have to leave. So there is just no question. In other cases, you have to look at. And I think, first of all, you have to start on working on yourself to build up boundaries, to work on your self-worth, feeling it's very important because the people behaving with us, the way we're letting them, you know, to behave, we are allowing them to do something with us. And once you make your boundaries, once you feel yourself really valuable, you won't let them do this.

And sometimes people are really getting this like they are growing. They are changing. And then the partner is changing as well. Sometimes not so well, I will show. So it is not predictable. 

You have to leave or you have to stay. So then everyone is deciding at some point when she or he feels more or less healthy already and stable and aligned with themselves.

Melanie Warner: 55:41

So in your own life, in your own relationships, what became non-negotiable when you made this shift to like, I'm going to go back and be a mom full time, or I'm going to leave this corporate job and I'm going to go home and be, you know, commit to my family instead of work. Like what became non-negotiable for you?

Maryna Bilousova: 56:04

Now that I'm taking time for myself, you know, it was just like rules, you know, and even kids, they knew even when they were small. Okay. Mom needs sleep. Mom needs time, you know, and it just was a rule, you know, it was law, not just rule. It was the law.

Mom had just time for herself now, you know, and it was no discussion, nothing. And then it's really important. And I'm also telling my clients to start from five minutes, maybe a day when you're just taking time for yourself and just maybe adding on top five minutes, more than ten minutes. Yeah. And so everyone knows, but you explain also, I need time now. 

Once I have it, I'm back and I'm better than I was ten minutes ago, you know, and we can do everything you want. Well, I think this is very important.

Melanie Warner: 57:00

I think a lot of women mistake self-love with being selfish. Right? Like we often think if we take time for ourselves that that's selfish and that takes away from our partner or our kids or our clients or whatever, our boss. And like you said, you've got to go recharge your own battery before you're going to be able to be helpful to somebody else. And I find that a lot of women tend to avoid doing things for themselves, because they say that it makes them feel selfish, like they're not putting themselves as a priority in their own life.

Maryna Bilousova: 57:35

Guilt and guilt. Guilt. Yeah. And this is something. Yeah.

It's very often, especially if you have kids. I think guilt is something that is really killing self-love and in that matter. So we think too much about the kids, how they will be without us. But it's actually you have to let them grow and sometimes enjoy and just, you know, do your stuff as well. And it's actually better to be happy than unhappy because I mean, when I'm starting to talk to my clients, I'm always saying the bad mom is an unhappy mom and nothing else.

Melanie Warner: 58:19

You mentioned in your book, I think you talked about this as well. Napoleon plans. What is Napoleon's plan and why?

Maryna Bilousova: 58:29

You.

Melanie Warner: 58:29

Why do the leaders love them?

Maryna Bilousova: 58:32

You know, it's like you're starting your day and you have like, I don't know, I have to do this, this and this. And there is a long list with everything. And then when your mom, you have to come home, you have to cook like, you know. Dinner with like three meals and, and, you know, dessert. And then you have to clean the house wash.

And this is all in one day and this is Napoleon's plans. And I think this is something many of us have to step away from. Just choose 2 or 3 very important things to do during the day. And the rest is just like, okay, I have time, I do, if there is no time, it's okay.

Melanie Warner: 59:18

Yeah, I love that. It's like seizing the day. And then it's just like, yeah. And then you just feel like trying to do so much.

Maryna Bilousova: 59:24

And in the evening, in the evening, mostly you're laying in bed and like, oh God, I miss this, I miss this. And oh, you know, all this stuff, this crazy stuff is going inside of you. You cannot sleep.

Melanie Warner: 59:36

No. And then you wake up and it's hard to even get out of bed because you have, like, a four page to-do list. It's going to take you a week to do everything you're supposed to do. And if everything feels urgent, it gets really hard to decide and get clarity on what you should do next, you know, and how you measure decisions. And in my business, I ask myself, is this going to ten x my business?

And if the answer is no, I don't do it. You know, because I'm in the business scaling and growth phase. And it's so it's like, it's, it's, it's easier to say no to things because in the past, I would just say yes to so many things and think, oh, this might lead to something. And, and it wasn't. I didn't have a lot of clarity about where I was going. 

I was just saying yes to everything. And that's because I was in that phase. And it's really hard when you say yes to everyone and everything, then you're, you're just you just feel burnt out all the time.

Maryna Bilousova: 1:00:28

Yeah. And I think it's, you know, also typical for women because we are really multitasking. You know, we really it's just by our nature, we can do some different stuff at the same time, but it's also a danger, you know, being everywhere and at the end, nowhere. Oh.

Melanie Warner: 1:00:46

I made that mistake. I found a lot. At one point I woke up and had this little defining moment or realization where I was treating my family like they worked for me and I was treating my work team like they were my family. And both boundaries were blurred and not good. Right?

And it was. And I mean, just like I was trying to outsource things at my house, like, well, I'm going to hire a maid and a gardener. And you know, I don't, I don't want to spend eight hours cleaning my house, you know what I mean? And it's like, it was like going from trying to do all the things perfectly myself and letting go of certain tasks and giving other people opportunity to do things, but also having that boundary of, you know, my family needs to feel like they're important and that I'm not just saying, oh, well, I'm busy. I can't do that because I'm not busy. 

And, and my kids didn't understand as a single mom, when I was busy, I was working from home. So there was no office I could go to and get away and get focused and get in that single brain. As an entrepreneur to get stuff done, I was constantly interrupted by kids, pets, doorbells, all kinds, salespeople, Jehovah's Witnesses. I mean, it wasn't like everybody was coming to my door and it seemed like every time somebody said to me, I don't remember the science behind it, but it was like, every time you're interrupted in a task, it takes you 30 minutes to get back into that zone again or something crazy like that. So I just felt so spread thin all the time. 

And I finally had to say, okay, my family needs to know that if I'm busy working on something, they need to know why this is important. And I went to my kids and said, hey, I am building this thing right now. I'm writing a book or I'm doing this thing, and it's going to take a lot of my time right now up front. But when it's done, it's going to produce this result for years and years and years. That's going to help us as a family, be able to pay for this trip to Disneyland for your 16th birthday or this family trip to Bermuda that you've been wanting to do. 

So I need you to be with me as we sacrifice this time. Meaning I'm not going to be as available to you as I have been as a mom. So let's talk about your priorities. So we work around what that looks like? Because I had to hire somebody to cook meals for our family to go to the store. 

I had to hire people to help drive the kids around sometimes. And it was really hard and it was expensive. And I realized at that point, wow, like if I used to joke and say, I need to hire a wife because I looked at my parents and they had this amazing relationship, and my mom stayed at home and took care of everything in the household and family. And my dad went to work, and I had that example, and I was trying to be my mom and my dad, the provider and the protector and the nurturer and go and make brownies. And I mean, it was so much pressure that I literally thought I was going to die. 

I was going to fall apart. Like I can't, I just can't do it all. So I get that that really speaks to me. Napoleon plans, I love it.

Maryna Bilousova: 1:03:57

Yeah, yeah. Sometimes we need to learn to outsource something at home, you know? And when you think probably the maid would. I don't know what you're paying per hour in your ass probably. Yeah.

And, when you think about what you earn, what your hour will cost. Yeah, normally. So yeah, I.

!no name provided!: 1:04:22

I had a friend that was like me.

Melanie Warner: 1:04:23

Have another house up near Yosemite. Right? And, and, and there's leaves everywhere. And it's like a three story frame and it has, it's on all this land and there's leaves everywhere. It's beautiful trees.

And my friend convinced me to go up there one day and clean up all the leaves. Let's just do it ourselves, he said. Famous last words, I got two. What are they, like, weed whackers. Right. 

They cut the weeds. Can you imagine me with the weed whacker? And I looked at him and I'm like, are you crazy? Like, I'm too cute to do hard work like that. And I'm too old for this, right? 

So anyways, he convinced me to do it. He said, it'll be good for you. So we go out and we start like weed whacking and there's like this little string on it that just spins around and it whacked me. That's what it's called, a weed whacker because it whacked my leg a few times and literally brought blood like I was, I was bruised and bloodied and like fingernails broken. My hair was everywhere, you know, it was like the word. 

And it took each of us 11 hours. So it was 22 hours of physical labor. Yeah, I was so exhausted. Never again. And then I looked at it and it was like, you couldn't even tell we did anything. 

And I was like, we could have hired a professional. They would have brought a team in with all the equipment and would have been done in like 4 or 5 hours. It might have cost 800 bucks, but it was worth it. So I have learned, and I remember I had a mentor that said to me, you can't build a $1 million business if you're doing $20 an hour jobs.

Maryna Bilousova: 1:05:57

Exactly.

Melanie Warner: 1:05:58

And that blew my mind. That's so true. And so when I look at what my time is worth per hour, and again, if you're if you're a professional and you're getting a salary or you're, you know, a business owner and you're making $1 million a year, like what is that worth per hour? If you can save yourself eight hours and do a personal chore over here, and you can put that into eight hours in your business. Oh my gosh.

Maryna Bilousova: 1:06:23

Like family or just family also? Yeah.

!no name provided!: 1:06:26

Taking a vacation.

Melanie Warner: 1:06:27

Or going, you know, going skiing. For example, I have so many deadlines. I didn't have time to go skiing yesterday, but I did it and I'm proud of myself. And we had a blast.

Maryna Bilousova: 1:06:35

So it's good. I'm proud of you as well.

!no name provided!: 1:06:38

Thank you. So what's the cost?

Melanie Warner: 1:06:41

Of trying to move mountains in one day?

Maryna Bilousova: 1:06:45

Well, again, Bernard, you are unhappy, constantly unhappy with yourself because you're noticing it's impossible. It's impossible, you know. Just don't do it. Stop it. Yeah.

And think really, what is priority? What something is really necessary to do 2 or 3 things during the day. And the rest is like, open.

Melanie Warner: 1:07:12

So what does sustainable performance actually look like in the workplace?

Maryna Bilousova: 1:07:18

In the workplace? Well, when I'm listening to myself, you know, I'm doing my work. It's like, you know, leading teams. So I don't know, it depends. Yeah.

But I'm still listening to myself and I know when to stop, you know? I know when to, to, to, to go out and just maybe for a couple of minutes just to take in the fresh air. And I remember it was some, it was funny and not really funny. Once in the office, I opened my door and I went to get some coffee in the kitchen and in our big office. And then I just passed one person and I had no idea who this actually was. 

And this person is asking me, oh, you're probably new here. And I was like, no, I've been working for years. So probably because my door is always closed. The people even have no idea that I exist, you know. And we have a big company. 

Yeah. And that day I was thinking maybe I have to start smoking. At least I will be getting out every hour with a cigarette.

Melanie Warner: 1:08:33

That's pretty bad. Like, I better start smoking so that I can be more social.

Maryna Bilousova: 1:08:38

Yeah, exactly. So that's true? Yeah.

Melanie Warner: 1:08:43

Maryna, where do you think? Okay. If you had ignored that defining moment in your life, who do you think you would be today?

Maryna Bilousova: 1:08:52

Broken. Someone. I don't know, looking like I'm already 100 years old. Completely unhappy with myself, you know?

Melanie Warner: 1:09:06

And how do you think that would have affected your family? Your children?

Maryna Bilousova: 1:09:10

Well, it's definitely affecting our relationship and the kids as well, because kids, you know, women and a family give the state. When you feel like a mom. Perfect. Then everything is perfect. Once you feel yourself bad, everything.

Feeling bad. And it keeps us sick. You know, you can always look at the dynamic in the family. When you hear my kid is often sick. Then you have to ask yourself, what are you doing wrong in your life? 

That your kid is sick? So we're affecting everything?

Melanie Warner: 1:09:45

Yeah, absolutely. So if someone listening is feeling exhausted but successful, what would you say to them?

Maryna Bilousova: 1:09:55

Well, then this is not a success. Actually, it's a success like looking at the paper. But success actually is also a state. So to have this, you have to be happy with yourself as well. So and this is something, you know, if you notice something that there is, you know, some signs of exhaustion, some signs of unhappiness or uncertainties, even.

You know, am I really going in the right direction or not? Then this is really a chance maybe, to think, to sit with yourself together and think, what do I want to have instead? And start working?

Melanie Warner: 1:10:33

Then if someone wants to build stability from the inside out, where should they start?

Maryna Bilousova: 1:10:42

Learning to fill themselves. You know, breathing, doing meditation. Even if it's something simple. I just ignore, do not ignore this. You know, all tools are really working when you are really applying this and doing this at least every second day.

You know? And yeah.

Melanie Warner: 1:11:05

So is there anything else you want to share with the audience before we wrap up today?

Maryna Bilousova: 1:11:12

Well, I think based on my experience. And based on the statistics, what are we still getting? You know, from all the business areas that are still exhausted and burnout. It's still kind of part of success, what we think. I'd like it if people just started thinking a bit differently about success and success is really affecting all areas.

Yeah. You may have some certain success in, in the business, maybe earning some money, but if your life goes down, if your family is breaking apart and everything, this is not success. And here you have to really think, yeah, if you'd like to have it better, differently than to start working on yourself.

Melanie Warner: 1:12:10

Well, I love this so much and I appreciate you being here. And we're going to put links below for you guys and in the show notes for the book. For more information about Maryna, how to follow her, how to find her. And I would encourage you to reach out if you have questions about this balanced side between relationships and operating at work. As a high achiever, she can help you learn how to do these things because she's done it in her own life.

And now we come to a special place in the podcast where I get to share a special mystery story. This is basically somebody who you might know as a well-known person, but you may not know their own defining moment. And this little story is called The Woman Who Fell. She had built what many would call a dream: a global media company, political influence, access to world leaders and names recognized everywhere. From the outside. 

She looked unstoppable. But inside, something was breaking. She was sleeping only four hours a night, answering emails at 2 a.m.. Flying across time zones, proving again and again that she could do it all. She believed exhaustion was the price of being relevant. 

So one morning in 2007, after days without real rest, she stood up from her desk and the next thing she knew, she was on the floor. She had collapsed from sheer exhaustion. Her body hit the edge of her desk on the way down, and it broke her cheekbone. There was blood. Stitches. 

A hospital visit. But the real injury wasn't physical. It was the realization that she had built success on adrenaline, on overdrive, on caffeine, on proving, on driving, on performance. And her body had finally said no, enough is enough. And that fall became her defining moment. 

Not because she lost everything, but she saw clearly for the first time success that cost you your health is not success. Achievement without internal stability is fragile, and pushing harder is not the same as being strong. And so she began rebuilding her life differently. She changed how she worked, how she slept, how she measured performance. She stopped glorifying burnout. 

And years later, she went on to launch a global movement around well-being, resilience and sustainable performance, challenging the very hustle culture that she once embodied. So that woman who fell to the floor of her office in 2007 and decided to redefine stink and decided to redefine strength from the inside out. That was the defining moment of Arianna Huffington. And that woman who fell didn't disappear. She didn't shrink. 

She didn't lose relevance. She actually became more powerful today. Arianna Huffington is the founder of Thrive Global, and she runs the Huffington Post, a company dedicated to changing the way that we think about productivity, burnout, and well-being. She's a best selling author, a global voice on resilience, and one of the most influential women today in media and business. But none of that began with another achievement. 

It began with a fall, a moment when her body said what her mind refused to admit. And that's what makes this story so powerful, because sometimes the breakdown isn't a failure. It's the interruption. It's the call to action. It's the wake up call. 

It's the pause that saves you from building the wrong version of success. Maryna, your story echoes the same truth. You didn't wait until collapse forced you to change. You could have compromised your health, your baby's health. You immediately felt a disconnection. 

You noticed the exhaustion. You listened and you avoided something horrific happening in your life or to your child, and you made this huge decision that felt terrifying but necessary. You chose internal stability over external validation. And for a lot of women in that same position, we've all felt like we've made different decisions that had different outcomes. And what I love about both of these stories is this strength. 

Real strength is not about pushing harder. Strength is knowing when to rebuild. And success is not measured by how much you can carry. It's measured by whether you're still connected to yourself while carrying it. So if you're listening today and you feel accomplished but empty, driven but disconnected, successful but exhausted, maybe this isn't your breaking point. 

Maybe this is your defining moment. Maryna, thank you for reminding us that inside growth, like the inside out growth, the real growth is not weakness, it's wisdom. And to everyone listening, if this conversation resonates, resonates with you, if you're ready to lead from this place of stability instead of survival, then I encourage you to connect with Maryna and find out how she can support that. You can find her on LinkedIn and all the other usual places. And like I said, we're going to include the links below for speaking and media inquiries as well as her book. 

So you guys, just a reminder, as we wrap up today, it all starts with alignment. So thank you for being here. Maryna, thank you so much for being a guest. I really appreciate everything you're doing and for sharing your own vulnerability with our guests today. And we'll see you guys next time everyone. 

Take care. Bye bye.

Maryna Bilousova: 1:17:52

Thank you. Bye bye.

Outro: 1:17:54

Thanks for listening to the Defining Moments podcast. We'll see you again next time and be sure to click subscribe to get future episodes.