Myrto Mangrioti: 00:00

I always say that our bodies are always giving us signs that something is wrong, even before our minds are ready to admit that there's something wrong in our lives. And so many times we don't pay attention until there comes a moment when your body tells you, now you have to listen to me.

Intro: 00:23

Welcome to the Defining Moments podcast, where leaders, innovators, and everyday heroes share the moments that changed everything. These are the stories behind resilience, purpose, and legacy. Now let's dive into today's defining moment.

Melanie Warner: 00:39

Hi everyone. It's Melanie Warner, the founder of Defining Moments Press, and welcome to the Defining Moments podcast. Today's guest is Myrto Mangrioti, a transformational leadership coach, keynote speaker, and author who spent more than three decades working in demanding high-pressure environments before burnout forced her to rethink everything she believed about success. After experiencing a life-altering panic attack, she began rebuilding her life around authenticity, presence, and conscious choice. Today, she helps leaders and professionals create what she calls a life you don't need a vacation from.

Myrto is also the author of ROADMAPS, where she shares a framework for living and leading with clarity and alignment. So Myrto, welcome to the show.

Myrto Mangrioti: 01:30

Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here and talking to you.

Melanie Warner: 01:36

Oh, I love it. And you're, you're in Greece, right? You're, you're in that part of the world.

Myrto Mangrioti: 01:41

Yes, exactly. Yeah.

Melanie Warner: 01:44

You're like me. We travel everywhere. Like we're on so many different continents all the time that it's kind of like, what time zone am I in and what day is it?

Myrto Mangrioti: 01:53

Well, I just came back from Sydney three days ago and I'm. I'm still trying to adjust and I'm so jet-lagged. I, I, I, I sleep the wrong hours right now. I should be in bed. I have to tell you.

Melanie Warner: 02:11

I know I did that. They say that for every, every day, every hour, like if you're in an area that has like ten hours time difference, it takes one hour for each day to readjust. So when I went to Dubai, it was like ten days to readjust. And my and I kept falling asleep at 4 p.m., you know what I mean? In the afternoon, it was brutal.

So I don't know what it is. And it's like you don't get jet lag going over there, but coming back for some reason, it just hits me so hard. So I, I feel your pain. I appreciate you being here. Now let's jump into it. 

You spent more than three decades in high-pressure environments. What did success look like in your life during those years?

Myrto Mangrioti: 02:52

Well, I had a lot of fun, I have to say for years doing things that I liked. But what happened at some point. And I don't know if we. I can jump in right at. What happened when I stopped having fun.

I ended up running a family business because I was always the good girl, the perfectionist, you know, always trying to please others in order to feel that I was worthy. So I said yes to everything in my life. So I ended up running this family business, and I worked for 15 hours, 16 hours a day, nonstop. And as you said in your introduction. I started gaining weight. 

First of all, you know, it's something that eating was the only thing that I enjoyed doing. And then I started having skin rashes all over my body. And I had to take two antihistamines every day. And I still wasn't aware that there was something wrong in my life. I was, and at some point I had the panic attack and that was when it was my wake-up call.

Melanie Warner: 04:37

So what was that like? That was. And would you say that was a defining moment in your life?

Myrto Mangrioti: 04:43

Totally, totally. Because up until that moment, I have to tell you, I was 49 years old. So it took me 49 years to realize that I was actually doing things not for me. And I was never questioning the yeses I was saying, and that I had managed to be unhappy in every area of my life. And when I had the, the, the panic attack, I couldn't recognize myself.

I looked myself in the mirror and, and not only because, you know, I, I outside, you know, my body had changed internally also. I didn't know who I was. So that panic attack was the moment for me that I realized that unless I did something to change my life, I would end up in hospital with something more serious than a panic attack.

Melanie Warner: 05:45

So tell us about that day. How did you know it was a panic attack? What were the symptoms? What? was kind of like that final thing like this is really happening.

Myrto Mangrioti: 05:55

I was, I was in, in my office and I was trying to organize a workshop for our customers. And what happened was that I suddenly started thinking of everything that could go wrong, and my mind started spiraling out of control for, you know, no reason at all. So I started sweating. I started my, my heart started beating faster. My breath became shallower.

I was feeling like the walls were coming in. And I was sitting there in my office and I said, I need to get out. I cannot, I cannot be here any longer. And I ran down the stairs and I was crying and trying to catch my breath and I didn't know exactly what was happening to me. And as I was, you know, aimlessly walking outside and crying, I called my doctor and I said, I don't know what's happening to me. 

And he said, well, you're having a panic attack. And yeah, and to tell you the truth, knowing that it was a panic attack calm me down a bit because, you know, but but it, it made me realize, you know, my, I always say that our bodies are, are, are always giving us signs that something is wrong, even before our minds are ready to admit that there's something wrong in our lives. And, so many times we don't pay attention until then. There comes a moment when your body tells you. Now you have to listen to me.

Melanie Warner: 07:46

So when you look back now, there are early signs that something wasn't aligned. Even before the panic attack where you can look back and go, that was a sign I, I did, I missed it.

Myrto Mangrioti: 07:56

Oh, first of all, gaining weight like that, the skin rashes, they I've, I've, I've gone to doctors and they couldn't find anything wrong with me. What I learned later on was that it was repressed anger.

Melanie Warner: 08:13

Wow. You know, and I've had that too, and I, I went to a dermatologist and I tried all these things and I'm like, what is this and why? And I had just been like, just take allergy medicine. It'll go away. And they treat the symptom, but they never get to the root of what's.

Why is this? Why have I never had this my whole life? And all of a sudden I'm getting it. I don't know about you, but especially if you were 49. Did you ever just think, oh, this is just menopause. 

This is just what happens. This is part of life, being a woman. Did you ever have that thought of like, just kind of writing it off as, oh, this is just what happens when you get older?

Myrto Mangrioti: 08:44

No, I didn't stop to think about anything. I was so busy and so stressed with work that I didn't. I didn't stop to think. I didn't think I had to tell you another. Another sign that I had was at that time I was.

I was living with someone and I went to a conference abroad and I came for work and I came back and I realized that he had moved out and he had left me a message saying, you know what? I really love you, but I cannot tolerate your life anymore. And, the most important thing about that is that instead of me feeling sad, the first thing that I felt was relief because for me, it was one less problem to, to, to have to deal with, but that's how depressed and stressed I was. And even that sign, it didn't, it didn't click at that. And too late. 

Two months later, I had a panic attack after that.

Melanie Warner: 09:55

Wow. So many high performers, they push through stress for years. Why do you think we normalize that kind of pressure and define it as success? The price we pay.

Myrto Mangrioti: 10:09

Well, I think that it's because I think we need to feel the deeper thing is that we need to feel worthy for me, that's. And, and, and to, to get that satisfaction, we normalize everything else. And, and in the end, you don't even get that because for me, I, I, the way I remember it is that I felt empty inside. Even though, you know, people would say, oh, she's a businesswoman, she's doing that. She's running the company.

I was also a production assistant for a very famous Greek singer for 25 years. And I was doing that together with running the family business for the last five years before that. So people would see me and they would. And I looked happy. I smiled, of course I wasn't looking like myself, but, you know, people would maybe say that's menopause, you know, gaining weight. 

But it wasn't.

Melanie Warner: 11:23

So you often talk about people building lives they eventually need to escape from. That's kind of a common thing that we can't wait to take a vacation. We can't. We live for the weekends. You hear that all the time.

What does that pattern actually look like?

Myrto Mangrioti: 11:39

What do you mean?

Melanie Warner: 11:41

What does the pattern look like? Right. If somebody is building a life that they eventually need to escape from, what does that pattern look like?

Myrto Mangrioti: 11:50

Oh, well, it is you, you you you just. I think that you follow what you think you should be doing. So you're building a life. I think that a lot of times, you know, we have a parent who is a doctor or a lawyer. And you, you feel that you must follow their footsteps.

Or maybe you have an idea of what success looks like and what you think you should be doing to be successful. And you do that, but you but most of us don't stop to, to, to figure out and to really think about what we truly want for ourselves. And sometimes we want much simpler things than what we think we should be doing. And so by following something that is not aligned with who you truly are, then you are always looking for vacations because you, your, your life feels it's tiring. It makes you need to escape.

Melanie Warner: 13:05

Well, you said that you suddenly saw that you were unhappy in every area of your life after your own defining moment with having the panic attack. What was the hardest truth? What was the hardest truth for you to face?

Myrto Mangrioti: 13:22

For me, it was, I think, that I didn't know who I was at that moment. I was shocked, I had no idea at that moment. If you asked me, what do you like? What do you enjoy doing? I didn't, I didn't have one single answer.

I think that the only thing I would probably tell you is eating. And you know, and usually this is a mask to, to something to mask all your problems. It's, it's, it's not okay. I still love food, but now I know why. But I think that the hardest part is that, oh my God, I have no idea who I am right now and what I want and what I enjoy. 

And I didn't know at that moment where to start. How do I change my life? How, what do I do, what I couldn't, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was a very scary moment for me.

Melanie Warner: 14:31

You ultimately made the decision to shut down the family business. That's a massive step. How did you know it was the right decision?

Myrto Mangrioti: 14:40

Because I knew what I did, so I didn't know what I didn't want. And I realized that I never wanted to be a salesperson. And that business, the main thing was sales. And, and of course, yeah, I was running the business, but that was the main. I didn't enjoy this work at all.

And, and I said, I need to do this for me. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do because it involves people.

Melanie Warner: 15:20

Especially your family.

Myrto Mangrioti: 15:22

And my family, but also.

Myrto Mangrioti: 15:24

My team.

Myrto Mangrioti: 15:25

And my employees, which I knew each one of them personally and their families. So I knew what that would mean to them. But I felt that that was the only decision that would keep me out of hospitals or, you know. I don't know, there was no alternative for me.

Melanie Warner: 15:53

They often say, I've been, I've heard this a lot in my own life that, you know, you're making the right decision because it's the most difficult one. Yeah. Right. It would have just been easy to keep going, but your body literally shut down if you had ignored that moment and kept pushing forward, what do you think it would have cost you?

Myrto Mangrioti: 16:11

I think that I would have really ended up in hospital. You know, I remember these days I could feel my, my, like my cells pulsating. I don't know if I'm saying the word correctly. It's that I could feel my body going like that.

Melanie Warner: 16:28

Like vibrating.

Myrto Mangrioti: 16:29

Vibrating from the stress. I could feel my whole body vibrating from the stress. So it was very clear to me that the next thing was to be hospitalized for something more serious.

Melanie Warner: 16:43

So stress was showing up physically for you. Your, your, your body was literally vibrating. You had weight gain, skin issues, panic attacks. How common is it for misalignment to show up in the body first?

Myrto Mangrioti: 16:56

I think it always shows in the body. It always shows in the body. But as I said before, so many times we just ignore it. We just keep moving. You.

So many people, so many people say that they have the most common thing. They have problems with the back. How many people? And it's usually from stress. It's not because you lifted something, it's stress or you have migraines.

Melanie Warner: 17:25

Why do you think so many successful people ignore those signals for so long?

Myrto Mangrioti: 17:33

I think because they're so driven to, to, to, to, you know, to, to do what feels right for them. You know, at an external level, of course, that they just feel that, okay, I'm, I'm strong, I am powerful. I have the, I, I will do it. I'm not going to, to, to let a headache or whatever put me down because I'm stronger than that.

Melanie Warner: 18:10

Right. Like I'm committed. I'm going to show up and do this.

Myrto Mangrioti: 18:14

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Melanie Warner: 18:19

So after that moment, what became non-negotiable for you?

Myrto Mangrioti: 18:27

I started doing things for myself. So I started taking care of myself and listening to what I wanted and started doing things. Yeah, it's just doing things for me and taking care of myself.

Melanie Warner: 18:53

What was the first change you made that created real relief from not just the physical symptoms, but all the stress and everything? What was the first thing you did? The first change?

Myrto Mangrioti: 19:06

I think it was the decision to, to, to shut down the business. Just when I really took the decision to do that. It felt like I could start breathing again. And. And also when I started.

I think it was when I started also consciously prioritizing. Me. And in. And it was I, I'm not saying that I did it, you know. Oh, I just turned one thing. 

And then I was a different person because I was still the good girl, still the people pleaser, still the perfectionist. But I consciously started taking very small steps. I don't believe that change can happen, you know, in one second this transformation. You know, when you have lived your life like I was living the same way for 49 years. It took me time. 

It took time for me to, to, to, to transform and change myself.

Melanie Warner: 20:33

So what habits or patterns had to change for you to rebuild a healthier life, not just physically but mentally, emotionally. Like you have this entire shift of what you do for a living. Now, all of these things. When you were living this life of just being busy and trying to get things done and you were defining yourself by that. So what were the habits or patterns that had to change?

Myrto Mangrioti: 21:00

Yeah. One of the most important things is learning to slow down and go with the flow and giving myself permission to, to do nothing. Sometimes, you know, sometimes our bodies and our mind is screaming for us to, you know, take a day off. You know, I would love to sit one day at home and watch Netflix all day and on and on the couch and do nothing. And we need that sometimes.

And in the past, if I wasn't busy, I felt guilty. And I think that this is also a pattern for so many high achievers. They feel that if you always have to be doing something because otherwise you are lazy or you're wasting time or whatever.

Melanie Warner: 22:00

Yeah, I think that's a myth that's out there. Right? Right now, if you're successful, it's because you're busy. And I think we see successful business owners like Elon Musk and people who just push themselves, they push their teams, you know, beyond that physical thing of like, you know, if he has a deadline, he's famous for moving it up, making it even more. Like creating this stressful environment for success, but leading by example.

You see a lot of leaders doing this. They're pushing and pushing and pushing themselves, their bodies, their teams like to the point of exhaustion. And, and we all think, well, that must be successful. And so then we look at that as a model and think we must work just as hard in order to get the same type of result. And then we send a message to our kids and our families that success is tied to doing busy things. 

It's all about what you do, like busy, busy, busy. And you know, it's like we're not called, we're not called human doings. We're called human beings. And sometimes it's just about who you are. And just being this person in that moment and knowing who you are so that you're not, you know, setting that unrealistic expectation that you could, that you can operate as a machine and be successful and not have something fall apart.

Myrto Mangrioti: 23:21

Yeah. And, and you know what I've realized from my own experience, and this is what I'm also advising clients and everybody actually is that when you, when you feel that you need to do something for you, you have to do it without feeling guilty. And so now, when I feel the need to, to stay in one day on the couch, you know, and, and watch Netflix, I do it and I don't feel guilty. And you know what happens the next day? I'm ten times more productive.

Melanie Warner: 24:05

Yeah. Because your brain unplugs.

Myrto Mangrioti: 24:07

My brain, my brain and my body relaxed. Because if you watch Netflix and you still are thinking, oh my God, I should be doing this and this and this. Then your mind doesn't really relax and neither does your body. And I have one more very interesting example with that. I have a friend who, whenever we go, maybe you also have friends like that.

We go out to have dinner and they say, I'm only going to have a salad, and I'm only going to drink a glass of wine and nothing else. And I know from the start that they are not going to do that because of course, when you're with your friends and you're having fun, you let yourself go. So I, I tell him, don't say that you're not going to do it anyway. So then you're going to feel guilty. So why not let yourself enjoy the evening and tomorrow start, you know, do what you have to do, but do it tomorrow. 

Just enjoy yourself because otherwise you will be moaning and and you know, all the time bitching about oh and oh, I drank, I ate too much and I didn't want to do that. And now I'm feeling. Oh, don't do it.

Melanie Warner: 25:28

It takes away from the experience because I think so many people are so focused on theirs. We're so driven by our routines and habits and success. Like we're so consciously living that we're not living. You know what I mean? Like, we're like, I can't go out with my friends because I'm not going to drink or because I will miss my workout in the morning.

And then we're, we're missing out on the dopamine that comes from that personal connection. And, and we can still get it from screens and, and certainly, you know, scrolling and on social media, but it's not the same as fulfilling that internal neuroscience of having that real connection with people. And I think that's what's missing right now in a lot of places.

Myrto Mangrioti: 26:12

And not only that, but you don't let yourself enjoy the moment. You are not you're you're depriving yourself from enjoying the moment. Because even if you go out, you feel guilty for doing it. So, so, so, or you're you, you, you want to eat pizza, you eat it, but you feel guilty because you ate it. Then next, the next day, you are still craving it because you didn't have the actual satisfaction of eating the pizza.

Yeah. Eating it, but you were feeling guilty. So you're doing the thing that you want to do, but you don't let your body actually experience it. So you still crave it.

Melanie Warner: 26:55

I think too, we're very unrealistic. Like we aren't machines, you know? And it's like, obviously we're in a world of AI and artificial intelligence, but we're not meant to operate that way as human beings. We're not wired that way. And so a lot of times I find that it's kind of funny.

People will do all these different things. They'll try all these different habits, they'll, you know, try different things for a while. You know, how we always say we're going to do this and it's a habit, we're going to do it every day. And then if we miss one day, we beat ourselves up and we think, oh, I just screwed it up. And the truth is, I found in my own life, it's if you miss one day, it's okay to get back on and do and, and continue with your habit. 

But scientifically, I think if you miss more than two days, if you miss two days now you're creating a new habit of not doing that thing. And so it's like, it's okay. Like if you get off the diet and you fall off the wagon for a day, just the next day, just it's a new day, start over again. But if you miss more than two days in that habit, then it becomes a new pattern or a new habit of not doing that thing.

Myrto Mangrioti: 28:07

You're giving me a very nice gift. In my book, ROADMAPS, I talk about that, which is my book is about goal setting and how to, to set goals that you can actually achieve. So this is a very, very good point that you're making because how so what do you do when, when you don't follow what you said you would do and you break the pattern of your goal? Most people, they give up because they believe that, oh, I failed again.

Melanie Warner: 28:49

Yeah. Like, and maybe not. I mean, every day I fight with my routines. Like, I know I should have eaten this. I should have done this.

You know, we were talking about it today before we started the podcast. I have this habit of getting up every day and taking a walk. And before I look at my phone, before I do anything, I get my body moving. And because the time changed, I woke up and it was dark and I was like throwing off my whole schedule. But I forced myself to get up and go and do it, even though it cut some other routines short that I've got to try to make up later in my head. 

I'm like, I'm behind already today. You know what I mean? So I get that. I totally get that now in your book ROADMAPS, and I love the fact that you teach people to be aware of these patterns and habits before it becomes a crisis or a panic attack, right? You know, like you can actually learn from joy. 

You don't have to learn from just your whole body, your whole life falling apart. You can learn from other people's mistakes, but you're like creating this GPS for people like, here's the life you want, here is the roadmap of how to get there, right. I love that you make it really, really simple. And in your book, you talk about that inner voice And you have a funny name for your inner voice. Tell us more about that inner voice and what yours looks like and sounds like to you.

Myrto Mangrioti: 30:13

Yeah, so I, I, I, I talk about and my negative self-talk and I have named him Mr. Magoo. And I, I usually talk about him in my, in my speeches where I say, well, you know, he's always around and he's so annoying and sometimes he won't shut up. So, but if you, if you name him, if you name your negative self-talk and you make it something a bit funny, then you can also start playing with it and know that he or she is there. And, and then just, you know, I say, you know, maybe he has something interesting too. Usually it's to protect you because, you know, sometimes we.

It's. We. We fear things. And that's why we have all this. And sometimes it can. 

You can learn something useful, but then tell him to go away. You know.

Melanie Warner: 31:19

It's like, okay, duly noted.

Myrto Mangrioti: 31:21

Bye bye. Exactly.

Melanie Warner: 31:24

Exactly like you. So the key isn't to ignore the voice. It's to acknowledge it. Yes. And just say, okay, I hear you, but I got this stuff to do over here.

I'm going to go do this anyway.

Myrto Mangrioti: 31:34

Exactly. And, and yeah, because usually we, we just continue to listen to, to the voice. And as I say, if we spoke to other people, the way we talk to ourselves, we wouldn't have any friends.

Melanie Warner: 31:49

That's true. That negative, I mean, it's absolutely true. The way we talk to ourselves is so awful. We would never talk to another human that way. And yet, you know, so many times people blame their ex or they blame their parents, or they blame somebody externally for how they're behaving, which is that victimization.

Like, if this person got better, my life would be better. You know what I mean? Instead of just saying like, hey, this, this is something I do have control over is how I respond to other people or something negative or situation or, you know, an event that's happened in my life that I can't control, but I can absolutely control how I respond to it and where I take it.

Myrto Mangrioti: 32:33

Exactly, exactly. And this is, this is the most, this is where we have this, this is where our power is. And we don't realize that we can respond to events. So that we get the outcome that we want. Maybe not the best outcome, but the better outcome.

Melanie Warner: 32:57

So what does conscious living actually look like in daily life? For someone who's used to constant achievement, where they're doing things and every time they finish a task, they get that dopamine hit and like, I did it right. So what does conscious living actually look like?

Myrto Mangrioti: 33:16

It means enjoying the journey and not the final destination. That's the, the, the fast answer, but it's finding joy every day in little things. And also, you know, celebrating little wins. We do, you know, we do so many things every day and we don't realize how many things we, we, we accomplish. And we usually dismiss everything and we wait for the big thing, the big thing that we will achieve Somewhere in the future.

And even when that comes, we get the gratification for a while. It can be minutes or a day or a month. And then as you said, we go to the next thing. But for me, conscious living is about enjoying today. And also the most important thing is having goals that align with who we are and what, and not who we think we should be, or what we think we should be doing. 

It's questioning and finding out who we truly are and what we truly want for ourselves and, and setting goals and that, that align with, with that, which most people don't do. So why do I?

Melanie Warner: 34:51

You think slowing down is the hardest step for high achievers.

Myrto Mangrioti: 34:56

Because, as we said before, we are wired from society mostly to, to, to, to think that life that we have to do more and be more and achieve more. That's, you know, even in social media, I am sometimes I, I've been trying to, to, to do videos. And if you see what they are suggesting, how do you do the videos? You have to grab the other person's attention in three seconds and then you have another seven to do this and another 15. And I'm, this is I, I cannot, it's not me.

I cannot do that. But, it shows you how everyone responds and what people are thinking and how fast we believe that life should be moving.

Melanie Warner: 36:02

So where do you see leaders and especially entrepreneurs staying stuck longer than they should?

Myrto Mangrioti: 36:11

I think it's exactly that that they, they, they set goals for. They don't maybe feel unhappy or they have something that they don't. They sense that something is not right and they just ignore it and they just keep going instead of taking a step back and saying, what's that? And what can I do about it? Am I really happy?

Why do I need to continue? You know. Striving for the next thing.

Melanie Warner: 36:57

You say that we should create a life we don't need a vacation from. Many people might hear that and think, that sounds unrealistic, right? How would you respond to that?

Myrto Mangrioti: 37:09

Well, what I actually mean is not I don't believe you know that we will. We don't have problems in our lives and everything. You know, it's like being in heaven and being happy all the time. But it's. What I said before, it's about finding joy in the little moments every day.

Having goals that align with who you are. Because when you have that, you know, I say if you love what you're doing and if you even if you, if you have problems, then you. You approach everything differently. If you. It's so important to, to find, to, to love what you're doing and to know what you love because sometimes you don't even know that. 

So it's first of all, knowing what you truly want. And when you have that, then every day find moments. And it's not just moments. I have to tell you, I wake up every day and I can't, I can't wait to start my day. I love everything, you know, even jet lag, you know?

Melanie Warner: 38:27

Yeah, I know because it's, it's, it's something that's not routine. I remember I've been an entrepreneur since I was 18. I coined a phrase when you have a job or you're doing something you hate. You know, it's like it's hard to get up in the morning, but when you love what you do, it's hard. When you love what you do, it's hard to go to bed at night.

Myrto Mangrioti: 38:48

Exactly. And you know what? It's. And it's also about not waiting for them. As I said before, not waiting for the final destination.

It's. What are you doing today? Here. Now. What brightens up your day now?

Melanie Warner: 39:07

Yeah. Because that's happening so much. You know, you're hearing more about it. A lot of people that are highly successful are starting to be more real and vulnerable about those moments. You're hearing about these people that they, you know, they have the penthouses and the lifestyle and the marriages and all these things.

They sell their company for hundreds of millions of dollars, and you think they're going to be happy and they actually get depressed?

Myrto Mangrioti: 39:31

Yes.

Melanie Warner: 39:31

Because they don't have any passion or purpose. They don't have anything to drive them to get out of bed in the morning anymore. And the same way that a lot of people, they say the average person dies four years after retirement. And so what that teaches me is it isn't just about the accomplishments, and I've experienced that in my own life, just kind of, I call it Post-party syndrome because you have this big hairy goal in your life. Like people come to us all the time.

They want to write a book for 20, 30 years. They want to write a book. We help them do it. And they're like, oh, now what now? I mean, I've been striving for this thing for so long, like trying to get up this mountain. 

And I finally made it to the top of the mountain and I'm enjoying the view, but now I'm thinking about the next mountain I need to climb. You know what I mean? And I think that's just human nature to to keep wanting to like one up, you know, something on your bucket list and something that you've spent so long trying to accomplish. And you didn't enjoy the journey because it was all about striving to hit some intangible goal to prove something to yourself, you know? Yeah. 

Now you wrote the book ROADMAPS. What inspired you to write that book?

Myrto Mangrioti: 40:45

Yeah, it was actually two things. The first one was that when I, when I decided to shut down my business, I had never set a goal before in my life. And I learned that from John Assaraf and Jack Canfield. So it was a course that I took from John Assaraf. And I also read The Success Principles by Jack Canfield.

So I tried to create a goal and it was really hard for me. I had no idea how to do it. I semi did it, but the truth is that I said that I would shut down the business in eight months and everybody was telling me it's not possible in Greece with the bureaucracy. How are you going to do that? And in my goal, I actually wrote, I will almost have shut down the business by the 31st of December of that year. 

And of course, that's the wrong way to write a goal. You cannot say almost anything. I know now, but the truth is that I didn't know. And then when I started again trying to write goals after I shot and I did that actually my business, I the 5th of January of the next year, it was the last day I shut down. I shut the door behind me, which is. 

And I couldn't believe that I did it. So, so this, this taught me, first of all, I'm. That's a parenthesis. It taught me that when you set a goal that you really want to achieve, you don't have to know how you're going to get there. You just need to start creating the plan and taking the first steps. 

And, and as you move along, the solutions will start showing up.

Melanie Warner: 42:48

So what are some small shifts that somebody listening could make today to move toward that kind of life? What would be the most critical first step if somebody realizes, okay, this is not the life I want to live, because we always hear, if you don't like the life you're living, don't live it. Go live a different life. Well, it sounds really easy in, in.

Myrto Mangrioti: 43:07

Yeah, it's not.

Melanie Warner: 43:09

It's an option. It's an actionable step. Like what? What is the small shift somebody could make today from this?

Myrto Mangrioti: 43:16

For me, it's first of all deciding that you want to do that, that you want to change something in your life and yeah, create a goal and start taking baby steps. And, and that is what I want? So the next question is, what do I want? What does that life that I want looks like? What does it look like?

What are the things?

Melanie Warner: 43:40

So decide. Okay, I don't want to live like this. Like becoming aware. Make the decision and then visualize. What is the life I want exactly?

And I don't know what the outcome is. Just having that vision of like sometimes the vision is, I know what I don't want from this relationship.

Myrto Mangrioti: 43:57

That's what this is.

Melanie Warner: 43:58

Is.

Myrto Mangrioti: 43:59

Exactly, exactly.

Melanie Warner: 44:00

I remember someone saying sorry. I remember somebody asking me and I was on a stage actually a few years ago, and someone asked me from the audience, you know what lights you up. And I remember standing on that stage feeling like the biggest fraud because I'm like, I could literally cry because I feel like I'm just so busy doing things that on the outside look like I'm successful, but nothing lights me up. And it was all the things I thought I wanted that I'm doing in my life. And yet I'm not feeling.

It's not lighting me up. And that question wrecked me for a while because I just felt every time I asked myself that question, I just didn't know, like it was I was doing everything I had to do to keep functioning and I wasn't doing what I really wanted to do. I wasn't going deeper. Everything was very superficial, very surface level, and it looked like I had it all together. And that question really caused me, and I'm grateful for that question because it really caused me to think about everything. 

And I had to reinvent my whole self and business in the middle of this very public job. Like people were watching me emulating what I was doing, thinking I was happy, and I felt like an imposter. I felt like a fraud because I'm like this, this doesn't light me up, you know? And so I think that that's such an important question, just that self-awareness of saying, you may not know what it is you want to do. You just know I don't want this.

Myrto Mangrioti: 45:29

Yeah, yeah. And that's where you start. So I remember I was exactly at what you're describing. I had no idea what I wanted, and I used to do an exercise every morning in the shower. I had to come up with one thing that I looked forward to that day.

And, you know, in the beginning I couldn't think of anything. The only thing I could think of was coming back home from work and eating. So that's how.

Melanie Warner: 46:00

It gives you something to look forward to. I think that's really important. You always need to have something to look forward to in life.

Myrto Mangrioti: 46:07

Yeah, but you see, but the thing, of course. But the thing is when. So there I can get how it can be. Your life can be such, you know, you can be in such a bad place that you cannot find anything. Now, if you ask me, oh, I look forward to sitting on my computer and working on this and doing that and look forward to, oh, to speaking to Melanie.

Oh, I look forward to it. I can tell you. I don't know. I look forward to my day in general. So that's the difference. 

But when you are at that place, when you're unhappy with your life, then you need to start by finding one thing that you look forward to. Finding one thing that you're grateful for because this is how you retrain your mind. And I've been there and. And I know how it can feel. Not finding one thing, but if you, if you push yourself because you need to get out of your comfort zone, it is getting out of your comfort zone, not staying in where you are. 

Finding a couple of things. You know one thing there, and then you start to train your brain to do these things. And as you do that, then more things show up. So that's what you need to start somewhere. What we said before, because you asked me, what do you need to do? 

You need to start. Make the decision. And then taking baby steps. And these are baby steps.

Melanie Warner: 47:41

So what framework or key idea from the book has helped people the most?

Myrto Mangrioti: 47:50

So the book is an eight step system to create goals that you can actually achieve. That's the name of the book, but what I. So there are 2 or 3 key things that are very interesting. The first one is that your goal must be yours. What I mean, as I say, it must be aligned with who you truly are.

If you create goals , let's say you create a goal that you want to lose £20 because your husband told you so. But it's not something maybe you are feeling okay, but other people are telling you, oh, you should do that. There's no way that you're going to do that. You're not going to achieve that. 

You always need to, to, to, you need to find things, set goals that are for you and know your why, why you're doing it. Why, why do you want that? Because so many times you also say, okay, I want to buy a house. Why do you want to buy the house? You need to know why. 

Because when you know the why, then you can, you can always remind yourself of the bad days, let's say, oh, this is, this is why. And the next thing is, which is very important is that so many times we create goals and we don't take into consideration that life happens. So like you said before, what happens when I need to. I'm. I'm saving money. 

Let's say. And my goal is to save so much money by that time. But now there is a birthday or something. Something unexpected happens. What do you do? 

You just say, okay, I give up on the goal. And diet is the easiest thing to talk about because I go out, then I, I give up on the goal. You, you create a plan, what things could go wrong, anticipate them and also write down what you will do when that happens. And then the other thing is also what I call the 70% cliff, which is not 70%, which is when we are ready to give up and we are ready to give up. It's not per se the number. 

It's any time that you are you. You want to give up. And it can be because it's. It's tougher than you think or because you are not seeing the results. So you're saying, oh, what's the point now? 

Or you are bored of doing the same thing or whatever. So what do you do then? You have to reframe. You have to reframe.

Melanie Warner: 50:53

That's what most people stop.

Myrto Mangrioti: 50:54

Exactly. Most. So, so, so I have, I, I have a solution or what can you do when you're there? You need to go back to the basics.

Melanie Warner: 51:08

So if someone's only reading, if someone's reading your book and they were only implementing one idea, what would you want it to be? What's the most important one?

Myrto Mangrioti: 51:19

For me, it's to align your goal to who you are. That's the most important idea. Because if you are aligned with what you want, we truly want. It's so much easier to do it. And remember your why.

Why do you want it? Why is it so important to you? Not to your parents, not to your children, not to society, not to the imposter you. Not to the. To your Mr. Magoo. 

You know, I think.

Melanie Warner: 51:56

That's a really good point because I know like for me, when I was younger, I used to define success as like, oh, I have a nice car or I remember I have a Rolex or I have a Chanel suit. Like it was always material things when I didn't have any money. And then when I started to become more successful and actually get money, it became about life experiences. It's not like now my definition of success is, is traveling this way or going to first class events and, you know, sitting on the front row of a concert, you know? And so it's funny, it shifted from things to experiences somewhere along the way.

And I remember when, you know, for my kids, it was like, okay, I want to make so much money. I can buy a house at the beach for my kids. And what's funny is now my kids are pretty much all adults and they're all like, their definition of success is buying me a house at the beach. I'm like, wait, does anybody want to live there? We're all trying to buy a house for each other at the beach. 

And, and, and yet do we even want to live there? Like, I mean, this is I mean, we could live on the beach in the Philippines, like. So you have to be specific, right, about your goal too. Yeah.

Myrto Mangrioti: 53:03

Of course, of course.

Melanie Warner: 53:04

And so what's one sign somebody is living out of alignment? I know we've talked about several different things, but what's the one most important thing that you feel like everybody out there would recognize in themselves if you're speaking to them today?

Myrto Mangrioti: 53:20

I think that they are feeling that something is missing in their lives. That there is a sense of. There's something missing.

Melanie Warner: 53:31

What's one habit that helps people reconnect with themselves?

Myrto Mangrioti: 53:36

I think it's slowing down. You have to.

Myrto Mangrioti: 53:39

Slow down.

Melanie Warner: 53:40

To speed up.

Myrto Mangrioti: 53:41

Yeah, you have to slow down. You have to actually not slow down. Stop, stop , stop. And and question what you're doing, who you are, as I say. Who is saying that?

What do I want? Is this what I want? What am I doing? What I'm doing for me.

Melanie Warner: 54:11

Not for someone else.

Myrto Mangrioti: 54:12

Yeah.

Melanie Warner: 54:13

What's one belief about success you had to unlearn?

Myrto Mangrioti: 54:22

One belief about success that I had to unlearn. Well, you don't need to work that hard. I mean that you, you, you can be successful. And it's, it's about more of enjoying, enjoying what you're doing. Success isn't about how much you have or actually what you have succeeded.

Success is what you define as success. And it can be very different from one person to the other. And it's what actually brings you joy and what brings you joy today.

Melanie Warner: 55:11

So if somebody's listening today feels exhausted by the life that they built, that they made choices that they thought they wanted. But they don't know where to start. They know they want to make a change, but they don't know where to start. What would you want them to remember from this conversation?

Myrto Mangrioti: 55:31

There is always. You can. There is always a way out. All you have to do is decide and. Everybody can do it.

I know it's hard, especially when you are at that point in your life. I've been there, so I, I, I get it. I believe that so many people think, okay, easy for you to say, but you don't know what I'm going through. You don't know where my life is right now. There's nothing. 

Or It's that you always have a choice. Always, always have a choice. And you just need to decide and start making a plan.

Melanie Warner: 56:27

So for the listeners who want to learn more about your work, where should they go? How can they find your book? Is there a website they need to go to? How should people follow up?

Myrto Mangrioti: 56:36

Yeah, it's, it's.

Myrto Mangrioti: 56:38

It's a road maps book.com so they can go there and find the book and then they will find other links also on Amazon and my website. Com and also social media, all of them. I'm on, on Instagram, on Facebook, find my name. I'm Greek. There aren't many others with the same name.

So I think it will be easy to find. But it's the same on LinkedIn.

Melanie Warner: 57:15

So you can explore her book, ROADMAPS, where she dives deeper into creating a life that feels aligned, meaningful, and sustainable. The life that you don't need a vacation from. And this is one of the best things about, you know, our conversation is how can people take what we've talked about and apply it to their own life in a meaningful way? There's also a way for people to work with you as a coach, as a mentor, where you can literally take them by the hand, walk them through these steps, teach them the tools, and help them get that main result that they're looking for. And you know, when you look at people that have applied this, it's amazing how quickly you can shift.

It doesn't mean you have to spend months or years. Like you can literally have a transformation like that. And when you have a guide, it's kind of like I always equate it to Indiana Jones, right? The movie Indiana Jones, like you have this, You have this guy that's taking you on this adventure, and they're giving you tools to not just survive, but thrive. And at the end of the journey, you get this experience, but you also get these tools that you can then go on your own adventure and you know you're going to be okay. 

And I think that is like the most beautiful way to describe what this process is like, because it's not scary to change something. It's actually an adventure. It can be exciting and fun. But especially with you, because you're so fun, then it's, it's not like people, most people, they don't want to just stare at the underbelly of the navel of their childhood wounds. Right. 

And I think that's where a lot of people are afraid to make changes. They don't want to go to therapy. They don't want to examine the things that don't work in their life. They just want to live as if it's not happening. And so the beauty of this is it's not therapy, it's results driven, it's fun. 

And you get these quick results that keep you motivated to keep going and not quit. And the one thing I think everybody, you know, when you think about the definition of success, the. There are only two ways to fail in life. Number one is don't start. And number two is to quit. 

So when you have a clear goal and you have a reason behind it, it makes it so much easier to get where you want to go and have a destination. So I think of you as a travel agent to their destination. Like if they say, I want to go to Hawaii, you're going to be like, okay, do you want to take a boat? Do you want to take a plane? How do you want to get there? 

Like, you have to have a destination in mind. If you ever want to make it, if you ever want to get there.

Myrto Mangrioti: 59:49

Yeah. And one thing that I want to, to, to also say is that it took me such a long time to go on my journey because I didn't ask for help. I was, I was. afraid that it would make me feel weak. I was.

I was also for so long, B was the independent one. You know, the strong one, I, I, I had never asked for help in my life and, and it took me a long time because I had to figure out everything by myself. I read books, I took courses, but I didn't have an actual mentor, somebody to guide me through that. And I think it would have gone a lot faster. And, and I always say, don't be like me. 

Ask for help when you need it, you know?

Myrto Mangrioti: 1:00:51

Absolutely.

Melanie Warner: 1:00:52

And, I love that you do these immersive experiences where people can come to Greece because a lot of people have a bucket list thing to do, but why not go and have this major transformation within a few days? Like it's like realignment doesn't have to take months or years. And that's the misconception.

Myrto Mangrioti: 1:01:09

So definitely this is my favorite thing.

Myrto Mangrioti: 1:01:12

This is my favorite thing, actually. I love doing this transformation events because it's a, it's a 3 or 4 days and I love showing people around and, and mixing the work with going out and eating Greek food and going to the Acropolis and going to Delphi, which is a sacred place. And, and I don't know if most people don't know that, but the ancient Greeks believed that Delphi was the center of the earth. And there was an oracle there. And people went there to ask for advice.

And there is a script, some Are written which says know thyself.

Myrto Mangrioti: 1:02:05

So I.

Melanie Warner: 1:02:06

Love that.

Myrto Mangrioti: 1:02:07

That is. So the whole.

Myrto Mangrioti: 1:02:09

Experience is also. We go there and we, we. So we combine the two.

Melanie Warner: 1:02:17

And it's alignment, perfect alignment. And who likes me, it's like, okay, wait, I can go to Greece. I can get rid of my hives, I can get rid of my stress, all the chronic issues, and I get to eat Mediterranean food, like sign me up. I'm so they're like, I love that.

Myrto Mangrioti: 1:02:34

And I, we drive and I drive a minivan and we go all together and we eat. I just wanted and I wanted to, it's very intimate because I, I, I keep it to 6 to 6 people. So we are seven all together. And this makes the whole experience so much more intimate and.

Myrto Mangrioti: 1:02:55

So much.

Myrto Mangrioti: 1:02:56

More transformative.

Melanie Warner: 1:02:57

I love it. So this is Myrto. Thank you for being here today. I love your energy. I even love Mr. Magoo.

I think about him often when I hear my own voice. I have to come up with a name for mine now. Because I think about yours. Maybe mine will be Mr. Magoo, too, because I. I always feel like this dork is trying to ruin my life in my head. 

So I love this part of the podcast where we get into a mystery guest. So I want to share a story about a mystery guest that ties into what we're talking about here today. For years, this woman was one of the most powerful executives in the world. She had the corner office, prestigious title and global influence. She had climbed higher than most women in tech had ever climbed. 

She was the chief operating officer of one of the largest companies in the world. So from the outside, it looked like the ultimate success story. But behind the polished boardroom presentations, her life was running at a relentless pace. She was constantly traveling. She had to make endless decisions. 

The pressure that never turned off. She believed this was simply the cost of ambition. Until one morning, everything stopped. She was on vacation with her husband, and he suddenly collapsed and died. Just like that. 

No warning, no second chance. He was gone. The shock forced her to confront something that most high achievers try to outrun. The illusion of control. All the planning, all the success, all the effort. 

None of it could prevent life from changing in an instant. In the months that followed, she faced something that she had spent her career avoiding: stillness, grief, vulnerability, reflection in a world often run by men. She wasn't allowed to show that vulnerability because it meant weakness. So she began speaking openly about resilience, vulnerability, and the courage that it takes to rebuild a life after everything changes. Everything that she thought defined who she was changed in an instant, and her message started reaching millions of people because people realized something powerful. 

Strength isn't about pushing harder. Sometimes it's about learning how to begin again. And that was the defining moment of Sheryl Sandberg, the former CEO of Meta Facebook platforms and the author of the book option B. So stories like this remind us that life has a very exact way of interrupting the plans that we carefully construct and work hard to build. And sometimes the interruption is dramatic, as in the case of Sheryl and Myrto. 

Sometimes it's quiet. A panic attack. A moment of exhaustion. A realization that the life you built no longer serves you and it no longer feels like your own. And that's exactly what happened to Myrto in 2017. 

I think it was. And she experienced this moment that forced her to stop running on autopilot and finally ask a deeper question. Is the life I'm living actually aligned with who I am? And what she discovered is something that many of us eventually face. You cannot outrun pain, and when you seek pleasure and you run away from pain, you get pleasure only to find more pain. 

So you can't outrun misalignment. But when you slow down, take a breath, reconnect with yourself, and start making conscious choices. Something remarkable happens. You begin building a life that actually feels like your own. A life you don't need to escape from. 

So, Myrto, thank you for sharing your defining moment with us today and for reminding us how critical this is. And for those listening, if today's conversation resonated with you, you can learn more from Myrto work and her book roadmapsbook.com. And we're going to put all of that in the show notes below. Now remember, sometimes the moment that feels like everything is falling apart is actually the moment your real life begins. Myrto, thank you for being here. 

Thank you all for being here. And we'll see you next time. Take care, everyone.

Myrto Mangrioti: 1:07:37

Thank you.

Melanie Warner: 1:07:38

Take care, everyone. Bye bye.

Outro: 1:07:40

Thanks for listening to the Defining Moments podcast. We'll see you again next time and be sure to click subscribe to get future episodes.